The Scaryduck family menagerie has grown again. Scaryduckling’s ninth birthday passed with the addition of Getaway Driver Hamster to the family (an accomplice to the already far-too-evil Robber Rabbit). The first thing Hammy did in his new cage was to jump on the little wheel and run around it like a mad bastard for a couple of hours. Cute, eh?
Which beggars the question: How the blummin’ hell do Hamsters know what that wheel is for? Is it genetic? Is it drummed into them by their parents? Or is there some sort of ancestral memory that is forcing them into this task, day in, day out in hamster cages around the world.
So the saying goes: If a butterfly flaps its wings in my garden, it may be starting a hurricane in China. What if hamsters are doing the same thing? There may be some cause to this mad hamster nonsense. If they don’t run around in their wheels like mad bastards, the world will stop spinning round on its axis. Or something. And what are the gerbils up to?
Then I realised this is, ultimately, bollocks. The Earth was spinning on its axis long before hamsters and red plastic wheels came along. They’re obviously doing something else. Something sinister. Some hidden agenda. Obviously, they’re keeping the US-backed military-industrial complex and its puppets George Bush and Tony Blair in power. Hammy, you’re a bastard.