Two words: Gay Daleks. And I’m not just saying that because Russell T Davies of “Queer as Folk” fame is to write the Dr Who comeback. Some of my best friends are stereotypes. But think about it of a bit. I’ve always though the whole concept was a bit suspect. You never, ever see female daleks, do you? All those butch, manly pepperpots cooped up in a spaceship together, plotting the downfall of the galaxy under the command of mad scientist Davros, a confirmed bachelor if ever I saw one. There’s an awful lot of pent-up aggression in that set-up that’s just got to come out somewhere.
“OOH. I’LL. SCRATCH. YOUR. EYES. OUT.”
Perhaps that’s why they’re so angry. Alienated from an …err… alien culture with no concept of gender or sexual equality, they’re thrashing out at society in the only way they know how. Maybe, and I’m prepared to be corrected here, there ARE female and itty-bitty kiddie daleks out there, living in happy family units in heterosexual harmony, going on day trips to the dalek equivalent of the Lakeside Shopping Centre. It’s just that they’re not scary enough for Dr Who and K-9 to battle to the death.
“DAD. DAD. TABITHA. KEEPS. TRYING.TO. EX-TERM-IN-ATE. ME.”
“TOBY. STARTED. IT. HE. KEEPS. POKING. ME. WITH. HIS. PLUNGER.”
“RIGHT. THAT’S. IT. DON’T. MAKE. ME. STOP. THE. CAR. AND COME. BACK. THERE.”
“NOW. YOU’VE. GONE. AND. ANNOYED. YOUR. FATHER. THAT’S. THE. LAST. TIME. WE. TAKE. YOU. ANYWHERE.”
Come to thing of it, I’m having difficulty imagining how daleks would “get in on” in the first place, be they gay or straight. They just don’t have the equipment for it, unless those bobbly bits have some function they’ve never told us about.
“OH. LUCINDA. YOU. HAVE. SUCH. A. BEAUTIFUL. EYE. STALK.”
“OH. GREG. THE. WAY. YOU. THRUST. YOUR. RAY. GUN. MAKES. ME. FEEL. WONDERFUL. INSIDE.”
“FANCY. COMING. UPSTAIRS. FOR. A. QUICK. ONE.”
“WE. CAN’T. GREG. EVERYONE. KNOWS. WE. CAN’T. GO. UP. STAIRS.”
And don’t get me started on the Cybermen.