One day, at the age of nine, I accidentally wore my slippers to school."Hey! Duck!" shouted Steven B, "You're wearing your slippers to school!"
I looked down, saw a red pair of carpet slippers, panicked, remembered we were allowed plimsolls instead of outside shoes in class, and came up with a bare-faced porkie: "No. No they're not. They're my new school plimsolls."
From that moment on, I was doomed. To avoid ridicule, I had to sneak them out of the house every day, and when challenged on the fact that I appeared to be wearing a pair of red carpet slippers to school reply "No. No they're not. They're my new school plimsolls."
I also had to wear them in PE, and my feet were agony.
Then, one day, the ultimate humiliation - a familiar figure in the door of the classroom. My mother. My mother had come into school.
Deathly quiet as one of the great taboos was broken. Your mother. In class. It couldn't get much worse.
Then, it did:
"I saw you wearing your slippers to school this morning, so I thought I'd drop off your shoes."
We had recently discovered a new word, and as my mother disappeared into the car park, thirty voices (including, for some reason, that of my teacher) echoed as one: "WANKERRRRRR!"
And there goes another repressed memory.
12 comments:
And then you were sick in a hedge?
And plimsolls. Cute word!
You crossed the line. The plimsoll line.
WOOOOO! Mirth and woe! It is back! And I couldn't be happier. :)
That must have left quite a deep mental scar
Your Mum coming into your classroom is about as bad as it gets.
You might as well go up to the girl you fancied and pissed on her rough book*
* Not slang for anything
Mirth and woe and tartan zip up slippers. Fetch me my cardigan, I'm going in.
My mum never came to school but when I went up to grammar we had a rule that shoes were black and only black. In the first year I had shitty ankles and the only ones I could get to fit me in the whole of town were deep red. "You're wearing red shoes, boy" said Wingnut, the head. "They're burgundy sir. And my mum says..." SPANG!
Hooray for plimsolls. And really, your mum was just doing her job. She wanted to keep your feet comfy and your embarrassment is just a by-product of that level of caring. =D
"pissing on her rough book" might not actually be slang for anything, but it damn well should be.
WTF is a plimsoll?
@ Isolator42 Absolutely. I'm trying to remember it for use in polite conversation.
A great deal of effective information for me!
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