On BB guns
"Dad?" says Scaryduck Junior, in that tone of voice that I know will result in the enforced opening of my wallet, "Can I buy a BB gun?"
He - of course - means 'buy a BB gun with your money'.
"Why, in the name of Beelzebub's withered left testicle do you want one of those things? You know how I feel about firearms."
He has already prepared his strategy.
"I need it for sporting purposes."
"Sporting purposes. And what sporting purposes are these?"
"I want to go out and hunt down Gary Lineker like a dog."
"Here's 20 quid."