Monday, October 04, 2010

On films that are so bad they're brilliant

On films that are so bad they're brilliant

I have recently sat through all 132 minutes of James Bond remake "Never Say Never Again", and not for the first time.

And - despite my unhealthy fixation on all things Bond - I've come to this conclusion: Bloody hell, it's awful.

- Every Bond cliché, turned up to eleven and recycled in the shoddiest manner possible

- Computer graphics which were cutting-edge in 1983 that now look ridiculous (if fact, the whole film seems unaware exactly what decade it wants to be in)

- Worst. Bond. Villain. Ever.

- Worst. Sexy. Female. Assassin. Ever.

- An embarrassing Rowan Atkinson cameo (his first ever movie role) which stinks up the screen like a packet of prawns sewn into an ex-boyfriend's sofa

- A horse jumping off a cliff

- The limpest boss battle in cinematic history

As you sit there watching, knowing that your life is slipping away like so much grains of sand through your fingers, you cannot help watching. Every. Last. Frame.

Ernst Stavro Blofeld? Ernst Stavros Flatley, more like.

Come on - there must be more so-awful-you-can't tear-yourself-away films out there. Tell.

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