"Right - who wants desserts?" asked the slightly over-attentive waiter.Yes, we have eaten in a Harvester before. And having survived the first two courses it was time to study the sweet menu.
"Right, that'll be two chocolate indulgences, one profiteroles and I shall have the rhubarb crumble."
"I'm sorry sir, we're completely out of rhubarb crumble. Would you like to choose something else?"
Quel horreur! What to have?
My eyes turn to the specials board, and: "The spotted dick. I shall have the spotted dick with custard."
Time passes. Over-attentive waiter returns with an armful of desserts.
"Right - who's the profiteroles?"
I take charge of this otherwise tricky siutation.
"My charming wife is the profiteroles. And the chocolate indulgences are for my equally charming children."
And then, help me, the truth:
"...and I'm the dick."
And later, Over-attentive waiter returns.
"How are your desserts?"
"This is the best dick I've had in my mouth all day."
Why? Why do I say these things?
17 comments:
You say these things because you are completely predictable.
"And then, help me, the truth:
"...and I'm the dick.""
I always suspected that, but the proof is in the pudding, eh?
Andy
Wimpy does a nice spotted dick. You can have it with custard, cream or ice cream.
Because you can't help it and it is funny :p
Was it smothered in man custard?
Could have been worse, though. I mean, you might have said "My wife's the tart".
TRT: Haaa ha ha ha hargh!
She on her side would have liked to tell the over-attentive waiter something, but you snatched the opportunity!
It may well have ended in death by chocolate indulgence.
Ever since, in just such circumstances, I said "I'm the fruit" to the entertainment of my colleagues I have been very careful to say "I'm having the ..." or "I ordered the ..."
Haven't had spotted dick since I was a schoolboy.
Never mind that. Why were you eating inside farm equipment?
Timely post. I've just had a sticky date.
Dawn's obviously never been to a harvester before.
Could be worse. There is always the Angus Steak House.
Perhaps you were just stating the truth. I say "Live for tomorrow!".
" Why do I say these things?".
Why? Because you are a complete dick!
Only a dick would order a bland, dull, uninteresting pudding like that. Now I would have had something really exotic, like 'Wolf Nipple Chips', or 'Starling Brains'.
Have you no finesse at all? Your wife must have been so embarrassed.
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