Jesus, I have been told by somebody of a God-bothering nature, is like a set of car keys. "How has this clumsy simile come to pass?", I hear you ask.
Jesus is like a set of car keys because - I have been told - they help make your way through life.
"Ah-ha!" I replied to the God Botherer, "Driving a car is purely a lifestyle choice, and I may decide to use a bicicyle instead."
"Tits," said the God Botherer, realising that the game is up.
"And if I was really desperate to drive a car, I might just hot-wire one."
"Bastard."
However, I am not entirely mean-spirited. I decided to give up several seconds of my time - WHICH I SHALL NEVER SEE AGAIN - and give God Botherer a short list of things which Jesus may be like.
Jesus, if you need him to help you through life (and you never know), may be like:
- MarmiteHe does not thank me.
- Vibrating Cock-Rings
- That band you really liked before they became famous and sold out to corporate culture
- The A329(M) motorway between Reading and Bracknell
- Darth Vader (post killing TO DEATH redemption)
- Standing on one leg for as long as you can, then trying to break that record
- "Jebus"
3 comments:
I think the A329(M) between Reading and Bracknell belongs to the other side
I overheard on the train this morning that Jesus features in the new series of Red Dwarf, where the crew encounter aforementioned Red Sea Pedestrian and help him out by removing his kidney stones surgically; and as it's on Dave, I'll add "with Meh consequences."
When He was resurrected a perfect man, was it with or without a 4skin?
Believe it or not, the Vatican employs full time staff to decide(?) this question ;-)
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