A short list of things that are like Jesus, or the other way round

Jesus, I have been told by somebody of a God-bothering nature, is like a set of car keys.

"How has this clumsy simile come to pass?", I hear you ask.

Jesus is like a set of car keys because - I have been told - they help make your way through life.

"Ah-ha!" I replied to the God Botherer, "Driving a car is purely a lifestyle choice, and I may decide to use a bicicyle instead."

"Tits," said the God Botherer, realising that the game is up.

"And if I was really desperate to drive a car, I might just hot-wire one."

"Bastard."

However, I am not entirely mean-spirited. I decided to give up several seconds of my time - WHICH I SHALL NEVER SEE AGAIN - and give God Botherer a short list of things which Jesus may be like.

Jesus, if you need him to help you through life (and you never know), may be like:

- Marmite

- Vibrating Cock-Rings

- That band you really liked before they became famous and sold out to corporate culture

- The A329(M) motorway between Reading and Bracknell

- Darth Vader (post killing TO DEATH redemption)

- Standing on one leg for as long as you can, then trying to break that record

- "Jebus"

He does not thank me.