"How has this clumsy simile come to pass?", I hear you ask.
Jesus is like a set of car keys because - I have been told - they help make your way through life.
"Ah-ha!" I replied to the God Botherer, "Driving a car is purely a lifestyle choice, and I may decide to use a bicicyle instead."
"Tits," said the God Botherer, realising that the game is up.
"And if I was really desperate to drive a car, I might just hot-wire one."
However, I am not entirely mean-spirited. I decided to give up several seconds of my time - WHICH I SHALL NEVER SEE AGAIN - and give God Botherer a short list of things which Jesus may be like.
Jesus, if you need him to help you through life (and you never know), may be like:
- MarmiteHe does not thank me.
- Vibrating Cock-Rings
- That band you really liked before they became famous and sold out to corporate culture
- The A329(M) motorway between Reading and Bracknell
- Darth Vader (post killing TO DEATH redemption)
- Standing on one leg for as long as you can, then trying to break that record