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Well, best I write back, then. In comic sans, The Font of Champions
Dear Edmunds KyleI'm quietly confident
Thank you for your email, and your kind offer to join your Slattern of the Month Club ("Building up issue-by-issue, you'll soon have your very own harem and/or bordello filled to the brim with willing ladies of negotiable virtue").
Here is the information you requested which I hope you will find useful.
Please send my shrink-wrapped slattern by return of post, and don't forget the free binder with Issue Two!
PS Pass on my regards to Jeremy.