Another workplace motivational course, and I fear I may have broken the spirit of the motivational course motivator.
"Let's take the windscreen-wiper view of your aspirations," he said, pulling management buzzwords out of his hole as if he'd been doing it for his whole life. He surveyed the hall full of blank faces and continued:
"What," he asked, the Powerpoint presentation ten feet high behind his head, "What do we mean by 'windscreen-wiper view'?"
I raise my hand. He smiles. I speak.
"A time when we used plain English instead of pointless sloganeering?" I say, not exactly picking his low-hanging fruit, more kicking him in the plums.
He ploughs on regardless: "Anybody else who is not Alistair want to have a go? What do we mean by...?"
But it is too late. Nobody cares about the windscreen-wiper view, or rear-view mirrorism, or the fact that the Powerpoint presentation was not in Comic Sans, or featured pictures of clowns, as the law demands.
"I don't know why I get out of bed in the mornings for these motivational courses," the motivational course motivator wailed, his entire motivation evaporating in front of our eyes.
It was a sad, sad sight, and kept me motivated for the rest of the day.