THE WAR ON CLOWNS, AND ALSO THE WAR ON PEOPLE WHO PROVIDE ENCOURAGEMENT TO CLOWNS

A recent drive home from work resulted in the following ABOMINATION UNTO THE LORD, seen in a hedge at the side of the A33 Swallowfield Bypass south of Reading the other evening:

- A clown outfit complete with ridiculous pom-pom buttons and even more ridiculous wig

- A gold sequined jacket

- A gold sequined top hat

I have absolutely no idea how these items got there, but it is now one of the biggest regrets of my life that I missed out on that particular tar-and-feathering and running-out-of-town-on-a-rail.

The following night, both items had gone, and all that remained were the shattered remains of a "Police incident: Can you help?" sign.

Tough on clowns. Tough on the causes of clowns. Tough on the kind of person whose job involves gold sequined jackets and the phrase "Ladies, gentlemen and children."