If you commit a crime you can rightfully expect to be punished for it, to the fullest extent allowed by the law. However, I can see an increasing number of grey areas, that being things that appear to be crimes at first glance, but are - in fact - acts that can only enhance society as a whole.
Sometimes the law should overlook a few harmless acts of murder, and let the perpetrator go free with a nod, a wink, and a pat on the back for a job well done.
That being the case, I present:
A short list of acts for which no jury in the land will ever convict
- Peeling the gitty student kids from the BT Infinity adverts and dunking them head first into a swimming pool filled with napalmErr.... That's about it, really. No, hang on...
- Feeding people who mow their lawns at 8 o'clock on a Sunday morning into the rotating, flashing blades of their own machineLittle bit of politics, there.
- Locking Samantha Brick and Liz Jones under the stairs until one eventually eats the other. And not in a sexy way
- Wheedle your way into a position of power in your local council (through bribery and selected assassinations if need be), and insist on mandatory bondage gear for any English Defence League marches through your town
- Wheedle your way into a position of power in your National Health Service Trust (through bribery and selected assassinations if need be), invite Health Secretary Andrew Lansley to visit and lock him in a cupboard under the stairs with all the ebola patients. Import some ebola patients from overseas if you do not think you have a critical mass
- Wheedle your way into a position of power in a large banking organisation (through bribery and selected assassinations if need be), lose billions of pounds through poorly-judged speculative deals, before getting bailed out by the taxpayer and awarding yourself and all your pals a huge bonus. Pay large quantities of this money to ensure no jury in the land will ever convict