Massages: A User's Guide

A short list of things not to say while giving somebody a massage:

- I could kill you with a touch

- Relax, while I put my finger in

- Is it supposed to flake off like this?

- Hey! It's like a big, huge blancmange!

- Happy finish?*

- Mmm, nicely marinated for the church barbecue

A rather shorter list of things not to say while receiving a massage:

- Tits or face?

Let's hear it for massage!

* Perfectly acceptable under certain circumstances