After a holding reply to my lavishly illustrated complaint ("We will investigate this matter and will reply within 28 days")' I got nothing at all. Time to up the ante on the non-letter-replying shirkers.
Dear South West Trains
I refer to my lavishly illustrated complaint of 28 June, to which you have not replied.
May I ask why you haven't replied to my genuine complaint? Were you so impressed by my lavish illustrations that you forgot to reply? Did you - despite my identikit picture - even try to identify the staff member who tried to bung me into a taxi and make me somebody else's problem?
Or could you - and I suspect this to be the case - not be bothered and filed my complaint in the bin?
This being the case, I'd like to complain about the lack of complaints procedure in handling my complaint. In fact, my complaint appeared not to have gone through the complaints procedure at all, and therein lies my complaint. Here is a picture of a sad train to illustrate my unhappiness.
Sort it out, you Premier League Muppets
Your pal etc (although I'm beginning to think the relationship is a bit one-way)
And if that doesn't get me a free trip to the pie shop, nothing will.