Monday, February 18, 2013

DEATH UPON PEOPLE WHO THROW CIGARETTE BUTTS OUT OF CAR WINDOWS

I repeat: Death upon people who throw cigarette butts out of car windows. If I were not an atheist who didn't believe in that sort of rubbish, there'd be a special circle of Hell for you. A special circle of Hell, sandwiched between people who do more than one transaction at cash machines, and dog owners who pick up turds in plastic bags which they then leave hanging from trees.

There is nothing worse* than driving behind somebody, especially at night, and being distracted by the flying and still-lit cigarette butt, sparks going all over the shop. You've got an ash tray in your car next to the cigarette lighter, you twat. Use it.

I am not speaking from a position of ignorance. I tried cigarettes for about a week once, before giving away half a packet of Marlboros to an ungrateful tramp ("Where's the rest of them, you bastard?") and that included an unsuccessful experiment with in-car smoking.

I don't know if it's because I'm left-handed (smoking in-car seems to be all the easier if you hold the cancer stick on the window side for easier ash-tipping and butt-ejection), but I was all over the place and getting better acquainted with - variously - road-side bushes and oncoming traffic. If you're distracted talking on a mobile or farting about with your MP3 player when driving, the smoking is AT LEAST a million times as bad.

And, frankly, if you can't manage the commute to work without a smoke, you're in a bad, bad way. Give it a rest, you planks. 

* Usual disclaimer applies. There's always something worse, for eg having your legs eaten by a shark

5 comments:

Steve said...

You should try following them on a motorbike. That said, I used to work with a guy that smoked while he rode his bike. I kid you not. And no, he didn't have an ashtray on the bike, before anyone asks :)

TRT said...

My Prius has neither a cigarette lighter (it has a hole for accessories, but no coil and it's buried deep in a cubby) nor an ash tray. But seeing as though Prius drivers are a bunch of smug pricks who don't smoke anyway, they don't need one. There *is*, however, a built-in holder for hemp based granola bars and another for wheatgrass smoothies, and a hook behind the rear-view mirror where you can hang your dreamcatcher.

Ole Phat Stu said...

@Steve,
a young lad driving daddy's car - window down & bass thumping - threw his fag end out and it landed on my chest (I'm a biker). My helmet and leathers protected me. So I pulled up level with his window and threw it back in before overtaking him.
The fag landed on the passenger seat where it burnt a neat hole in the material. Let's see him explain that to daddy!

Bat E said...

We wouldn't have had this song though http://www.metrolyrics.com/all-sparks-lyrics-editors.html

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