That means, out of a nation of 60m people, only about 60 of them thought "Hey! Danny Dyer's got a new one out! Sounds too good to miss." I'm presuming that some of these might be close family members, otherwise care in the community has failed again.
Here's the trailer. Watch, if you dare:
The fact that only nine cinemas chose to show it at least demonstrates a modicum of good sense from cinema managers. However, news reports are saying that it will be opening at another 62 Odeon screens this week.
If you're a pensioner, that is. Poor pensioners - what have they done to deserve this punishment?
And how do I know this? I found a cinema that's actually showing it! One screening only, 11am on a Tuesday, "Senior Screening", £3 to get in, free tea and biscuits, over 60s only.
"Over 60s only?" says Adam, "It must be REALLY violent"
Yes, nobody should see a man getting hit in the face after standing on a rake. Poor, dead Richard Briers. That his last ever role should be in this turkey.