The whole world and his dog has sent me this news story for my Dull News blog, but I think it deserves a wider audience, and I shall quote in full:
This is Grimsby: Noisy Flatluence interrupts court session
THE quiet dignity of a court session was abruptly disturbed when someone loudly broke wind in the public gallery.
Nobody apologised for the noisy interruption – and there were anxious looks from people nearby who feared they might get the blame. Grimsby magistrates pretended they had not heard a thing, and in a seemingly unrelated incident a few minutes later, all the lights went out for a few seconds before flickering back on again.
Of course, in a court with a judge, the beak would immediately invoke the 1926 Rex vs Fartparts ruling:
"He who smelt it, dealt it. How do you plead?"
"Not guilty, eh? Surely you have heard: He who denied it, supplied it."
"If I may be so bold, m'lud: He who said the rhyme, did the crime."
"Bollocks. Five years, contempt of court."
And so the scales of justice carry on their endless something something fight against crime something.