Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Boyband: Woe

Boyband: Woe

Some time last year I mentioned Scaryduckling's teacher, who left the profession to seek fame and fortune as a clown.

Well, he's back.

"People don't take me seriously."

However, the teacher's desire to perform is not dead, and this time he's seeking fame and fortune once more as a member of a boy-band.

He's gone and roped in the school choir as backing singers for their night at the Weymouth Pavilion. Scaryduckling is in the school choir. I have tickets (Genuine conversation with the Box Office: "I've got a block of three seats in row D" - "I'm not that keen" - "Row L then" - "Bingo"), for which good money changed hands.

I can hardly contain my excitement.

The teacher's desire to perform. Yes. The fact is, they have a captive audience, and like David Brent, they feel a desire to entertain. They envy the headmaster, because he gets the whole school at every morning assembly, and all they get is thirty disinterested oiks and the chance of playing piano at the school carol concert. They know it's their own fault for listening at school, going to university and finding a proper job instead of slacking off and joining a band.

One of my teacher friends - known as The Other Alistair - is a classic example of this sad state of affairs. A natural showman, he never got his big break, so he is reduced to teaching science to teenagers. Teenagers, who arrive in class to see Other Alistair in a rubber wetsuit, sitting in a tin bath.

"Today, I shall be talking about water displacement."

And with that he is fully immersed in freezing cold water.

Still, teaching's not so bad. Entertainment isn't all it's cracked up to be. Nobody should be involved with any profession that uses the phrase "Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls". It's up there with "Do you want to go large on that?" for tell-tale signs your life has gone horribly, horribly wrong.

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