Sunday, September 21, 2003


Let us consider Rainbow George Weiss. George, if I may be over-familiar with his first name, stood in the recent Brent East by-election under the banner of the XAT party. For all his well-intentioned ideas about changing the world (though this does include, I should warn you, a website covered in butterflies and little balls chasing after your cursor), George polled a whole eleven votes on Thursday. Eleven. Think about that number. Legs Eleven. Onze. Elf. Undici. Once. Ten plus one.

Ten plus one. In English election law, you must secure signatures of ten eligable citizens who reside in the constituency in which you are standing for office. Presumably, these ten people will vote for you on polling day, and if you’ve got an ounce of sense in your head, you’ll remember to get off your backside and vote for yourself. That’s eleven votes in the bag without even having to try. Which brings us back to Rainbow George Weiss and his eleven votes. George mate, you can blame voter apathy all you like, or problems getting your message of a society freed from the evils of money across to the good people of Brent, but face the facts: no bugger voted for you.

Back, as they say, to the drawing board. A little lighter on the butterflies next time, I think.

"Bad Movies Poll III: The Return"

Jonathan Ross is running a bad movie poll on the BBC's Film 2003 show. What's the blummin' point? We all know that, after our own long and exhaustive search, the worst movie ever made is Apocalypse Now, don't we readers? The people have already spoken Wossy, you'll just have to live with it. Or give me a highly paid job as your gag-writer and celebrity wrangler.

"Old Jokes Home II"

Such is the Vatican's love of the Beatles, it has been decreed that when Pope John Paul eventually dies, the next pontiff will take the title Pope George Ringo.

I thang yew.

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