Part of my excellent job finds me writing about military developments from around the world.
The Asia-Pacific region is one of the key hot-spots, where Islamic fundamentalist groups battle against various governments for ideological control of hearts and minds. And because they like killing apostates and infidels TO DEATH.
So, we are drawn to the Philippines where government forces are locked in a life-or-death battle with the lightly-oiled Moro Islamic Liberation Front. Or MILF for short.
Being of a filthy mind, and knowing full well the true meaning of the MILF acronym, a number of genuine headlines have given me big laughs in these dark, dark days of endless war.
- Three soldiers killed by MILF
- MILF provoking hostilities, say army
- MILF promises to handle weapons carefully
- Minister sets out to please MILF
- Hundreds of Filipinos 'flocking to MILF'
- Angry MILF 'on the rampage'
Call me Mr Sexist, but that last one is surely the result of the so-called "red rage", of which, as a man of the world, and not privy to the mysteries of the boudoir, I know nothing.
However, as an expert on matters of global warfare and naked, soapy freedom fighters, I would be only too happy to avail myself to the MILF and give them the good, hard makeover* they thoroughly deserve. Less killing. More baby oil.
And perhaps a re-brand: How about the MILF Cougars?
Hint: When researching and item on the Moro Islamic Liberation Front, it's probably best not to search for "MILF" in Google Images.
Double Hint: If there are any MILFs out there willing to tell me - in detail, with photos - of their experiences in hot, lightly-oiled struggle with 'The Man', you will find a rapt audience.
See Also: The Alliance for the Re-liberation of Somalia (ARS)
* not a double entendre