On random snippets of conversation

On random snippets of conversation

It's incredible the stuff you hear on public transport these days.

Sit there for long enough, pretending to listen to music and you find all the world's secrets winging your way. Just be careful taking notes. They don’t like that.

All 100 per cent true, honest. (Value of honesty may vary by up to 25 per cent)

This:

"Just think – this time next year, I'd be living the dream."

"My dreams feature women with enormous bosoms. That's the kind of dream I'd like to be living. Your mum."

"You sicken me sometimes. You really do."

And:

"I worked with a disabled woman once, she had one bigger than the other, and they were both massive."

"I bet you found it was a terrible moral dilemma, knowing it was wrong to stare."

"Wrong to stare, drool, and say 'Oh Mamma!' whenever she entered the room, yes."

"What happened?"

"I got the sack from that job an' all."

Not to mention:

"I knew some bloke who told me he could masturbate lying on his back and catch his load in his mouth. I wonder what happened to him?"

"Britain's Got Talent?"

"No, that's Simon Cowell you're thinking about."

Even:

"I'm pregnant, and I'd like you to know that you're not the father."

"Stands to reason. I've only ever done you up the bum."

Heard anything good recently?