On sticking your nose into local sports where it's not wanted
Don't stop me - I'm on a roll. And this time it's our local underachieving speedway side that feels the wrath of Albert O'Balsam.
Dear the Weymouth Wildcats
Congratulations on your recent crushing victory over the Plymouth Devils!
In a country that is increasingly going to the dogs, it is pleasing to see you giving these no good satanists a thorough whipping through the noble art of Speedway.
I was wandering, as I clasped my regulation Speedway clipboard to my chest, watching your brave lads go round and round and round and round without any brakes, if you had considered changing the name of your team to reflect the latest craze that's sweeping the high-tech world of the internet?
Why not, I ask, change your name to the WEYMOUTH LOLCATS?
Trust me, this will make you TEH L33T3ST speedway team in the entire universe, and I may even consider paying money at the turnstile, rather than bunking in through the golf course.
I am absolutely certain that the all-new WEYMOUTH LOLCATS will open up huge new vistas of sponsorship and marketing opportunities. Who could possibly resist, for example, a tasty snack from the I CAN HAZ CHEESEBURGER bar (formerly Fat Ron's Grease'n'Botulism stall)?
And face it, once all the INVISIBUL MOTORBIKES are delivered, your opponents might as well pack up and go home.
Ceiling Cat has decreed it. So mote it be.
PS Could you get back to me by return of post? I'm already in talks with your local rivals, who are giving serious consideration to the name DONE A POO-le Pirates