"Did you see that film last night?"No. No I did not see that film last night, for I was hard at work, posting crap onto Twitter.
"Which one?" I ask of my fragrant wife.
"You know – ITV, late night. Had him in it."
Oh, HIM.
"I have no idea what you're talking about."
"You know – nice bloke. He was in that film."
Lost me, completely.
"Which film? You're talking gibberish now."
"That scary one. Silence of the Lambs."
"Aaaaah – got you. Anto…"
"Alfred something. Alfred Spezzo."
"You are – my dear – completely wrong. I can tell you with a high degree of confidence that it is NOT Alfred Spezzo."
"Oh, right – you're SO sure with your high-fallutin' accent telling me Alfred Spezzo wasn't in Silence of the Lambs, The Mask of Zorro and that other film with Aflred Spezzo in."
"Yes. Yes I am. Also: Your mum."
"Oh yeah? Spacker."
"It's SIR Alfred Spezzo, as ane fule kno."
She looks triumphant. I like a triumphant look on a woman.
"There you are, then. It also had Anthony Hopkins in it."
"AAAAARGH!"
So, in a fit of pique I fired up my laptop and - "Ah ha! Just as I thought!" - there is NO Sir Alfred Spezzo in the IMDB database.
I stormed out to the safety of my shed and my priceless collection of wall fixings, pausing only to bowk rich brown vomit into a hedge. That'll learn her.
10 comments:
First!
Rah!
Eat my dust, suckas!
Bugger bugger bugger.
Turd
where did you learn to bowk?
OK! Dust = no fat.
Being Alfred Spezzo may create a new career arc for Sir Anthony. But first you'll have to teach him about being sick inna hedge.
Misty: have you turned into Mr T? Do you pity the foo'?
I got lost in the hesaid/shesaid, right before the "SIR".
I figured out who was sick-inna-hedge, tho.
Is it time to go home yet?
I have a co-worker that I only ever called by her first name. I just found out her last name is "Bowker". I find it hard to keep a straight face around her now...
Dear Sirs
I was too in Silence of the Lambs and I was an extra.
So there.
Ner.
Yours faithfully,
A.Spezzo
alfred: An extra what though?
Readers will want to know :)
Oh, and Mr Si: I am not turning into Mr T, but despite that, please don't try to get me into an areoplane, akay?
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