On sorting out the EVIL in our midst
If I was King of the World, I'd soon put a few things straight.
I'm not generally an angry kind of man who'd resort to ruthless blood-letting for shits and giggles (the coroner ruled that whole pick-axe handle / tin bath full of quicklime thing was entirely justified, after all) but there is a cancer in this world that needs to be cut out and destroyed right now.
And, as spring turns into summer, I think you know what I'm talking about.
So, if I was King of the World, I would decree a general amnesty on all Al Qaeda members and enact complete ban on membership of the Caravan Club.
All pardoned former members of Al Qaeda will be able to roam the countryside – without let or hindrance – pursuing anybody who utters the lines "We just hitch up and go" and "Let's park up in this lay-by and brew up a pot, eh Margaret?" and killing them completely TO DEATH.
Harsh but fair, and I'm sure you'll agree it is an entirely brilliant re-focusing the energies of these idealistic, murderous bastards in just the right direction.
I ask you now: What else would you have me – your future King of the World – do for the greater good of society?
I am not mad.