Ring-ring! Ring-ring!The caller display reads 'withheld', and it being six of the evening, it can only mean one thing.
"Ye-llo"
"Good evening," says a distant voice, "Is Mr Duck available?"
Yup, it's Sanjay again.
"It's Sanjay from Debt Advice Direct and..."
"I'm terribly sorry. I'm afraid he's dead."
"Oh..."
"...very tragic..."
"I'm very sorry to hear that."
"...bizarre spacehopper accident..."
"Our utmost condolences ...what?"
"...complete rectal prolapse..."
>> CLICK <<
WIN
The next day:
Ring-ring! Ring-ring!
"Alright Sanj, didn't I tell you I was already dead?"
"You are?"
"Yes. Yes I am."
"I'm terribly sorry to hear that..."
"Very sad. Bizarre spacehopper accident."
"Oh GOD! Not you again!"
"This call is being recorded for your convenience and training purposes."
>> CLICK <<
EPIC WIN
Who needs those Telephone Preference Service curs when you have sarcasm and WIN on your side?
25 comments:
You say Ye-llo when answering the phone? Plz to send my regards to Ritchie, Potsie, Ralph Malph and the Fonz next time you're down at Al's Diner.
Or to Marj and the kids.
I like to start my answer "This call is being recorded for training purposes".
or "What are you wearing ? Is it LEATHER ?!"
Ahoy Hoy is much more appropriate for that 'phone...
My favourite way of dealing with those bastards is to ask them to 'just hold on for a moment', and then just leave the phone and turn the volume up on the telly.
The longest one of them has waited so far has been twenty minutes before giving up.
Great fun indeed. I think I shall try your line sometime though, Duckuss. Nice one.
Tomorrow is CONDENSED STAR TREK DAY, by the way.
Will attach Klingons to my starboard bow in anticipation.
I too enjoy 'ahoy hoy' on occasion, but sarcasm is my fave.
Looking forward to condensed Star Trek.
How is the Starship Enterprise like toilet paper?
They both circle around Uranus looking for Klingons...
Soz, was possessed by 12 year old boy for a moment there...
Will try your suggestions next time I get caught by cold callers.
Any suggestions for scaring of Jehovahs Witnesses?
once again, SD you show you credentials as a committed blogger, with efforts above & beyond for good blogging material.
I can't be bothered, so as soon as it becomes apparent that it's a crap sales call I just hang up. Only once has someone rung back. It really wasn't their day...
Donna: Yes!
Donna: I find a punch in the face normally works. Harsh but effective.
Donna, an old cricketing friend of mine, Ralf (or Kevin to give him his real name), had an unfailingly efficient way of dealing with JWs. He was more or less shameless so would often answer the door stark bollock naked.
I am waiting for the BNP to start on the knock in the Euro elections. I will be keeping an open bottle of black ink by the door. I really want one of those bastards.
Invicta: I like that method. I shall try it when next I don't have pigeon to hand, thanks.
Ye-llo? Isn't that how they answer the phone at a jaundice clinic?
I used to have a service called "choose to refuse." The person calling, withheld or otherwise, could be barred. The next time they called, all they'd get is "the person you are calling has chosen not to accept your call." That got rid of the debt collecting bastards.
This is the classic:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J5z4Vs26-TI
Thanks for the suggestions re JW problem.
Dosn't help my aunts one and they see the name on the
door and think they're OK for a warm welcome (only if it involves a blowlamp)
Misty - it wasn't a black pigeon was it - I thought hanging an upsidedown crucifix with a bunch of black feathers would help but no luck so far.
Perhaps answering the door in full coven regalia?
My father talked a pair of JWs NEARLY DED TO DETH. I think it was about 45 mins before they could get away from him. He followed them all the way to the end of the walk. I don't know exactly what he said, but they never, ever came back to our house. I have visions of a neighbourhood map with a big black 'x' over our house with the note, "Crazy man lives here. Avoid at all costs."
I think it was "Come back here and I'll kill you. Seriously. TO DETH"
Crazy man? Crazy like a fox, more like. :)
An ex-girlfriend of mine's dad is a minister (C of E). When the JW's turned up, he invited them in, provided tea & biccies & talked with them on a wide range of religious matters for over 2 hours. He had a rare old time, pulling their beliefs to pieces (as is possible with pretty much any religion if you analyse it closely enough), & getting them to argue as much as possible. When the finally left, he cheerfully told them that he'd kept them talking for so long so they didn't have the chance to talk to anyone else more impressionable. The look on their faces was apparently priceless...
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