On having one's assets manipulated

On having one's assets manipulated

So, I return to work after two weeks' paid holiday in the bosom of my loving family.

I log onto the computer system, and groan inwardly as my mailbox reveals some 1,500 emails have arrive in my absence, work-related messages hiding behind a deluge of offers for Viagra and fakes Rolexes.

The last thing I want, then, is for my Outlook Calendar to do that cheerful "You've got an appointment" sound and remind me that I have a six-hour meeting entitled (and I quote) "Asset manipulation metadata".

In fifteen minutes.

While recognising that this is a serious business, where there is very little solutioneering, picking of low-hanging fruit and rear-view-mirrorism going on, the last thing you want to see on a Monday morning – unless used as the name for a particularly exciting Canadian industrial techno band - are the words "Asset Manipulation Metadata" in close proximity.

I'd go as far as saying that "Asset Manipulation Metadata" on a Monday morning is the sort of thing that makes a man want to slay his colleagues with a pick-axe handle, hiding their still-warm bodies in a hurriedly-dug trench at the far end of the car park.

In other news, a spate of sudden ...err... resignations and permanent emigrations to the Antipodes means there are now twenty-seven vacancies in my place of work.

CVs in the post, please. I promise no asset manipulation will occur.