The first blow is cast. Once again, what started as a one-off gag egged on by fellow internet lunatics has taken over my life with new websites, email addresses and authentic-looking press releases. Let's see how far this little beauty goes...
INFLUENTIAL THINK TANK CALLS FOR ACTION ON CLIMATE CHANGE
LONDON, 9th December 2009: UK-based Think Tank THINKIUM has called for immediate and decisive action on climate change as world leaders meets to discuss the global crisis in Copenhagen.Renowned for its out-of-the-box analysis, THINKIUM urges both world governments and citizens to take urgent and direct steps in order to combat the threat of rising global temperatures and sea levels.
Scientists engaged by THINKIUM note that global warming only became an issue AFTER the banning of Chlorofluorocarbons (CFCs) in hundreds of millions of refrigerators around the world.
Logic dictates, therefore, that CFCs – the very substance that makes things cooler – should be immediately un-banned by world regulatory bodies in order to reverse the indisputable rise in global temperatures.
Citizens are also urged to help this process of "Global Cooling" by leaving their refrigerator doors open for three hours per day.
Additionally, pensioners who cannot afford to run their central heating should simply leave their doors open at night to let the cold out.
In the light of this simple, elegant solution, THINKIUM disputes the need for the expensive, environmentally damaging Copenhagen Conference, and proposes that drastic measures are taken to offset the carbon dioxide generated by 60,000 people travelling to Denmark.
THINKIUM scientists have calculated that these 60,000 visitors, once humanely despatched, will provide 3,900 tons of prime fertiliser, or to put it another way, enough fresh, red, iron-rich mulch to grow nearly four million trees.
This solution provides answers to many of the questions surrounding climate change: over-population, deforestation, pollution due to excessive air travel and taxpayers' money wasted on useless research grants.
THINKIUM supplies answers to the world's most pressing crisis at both the governmental and societal levels, and if employed immediately, will provide benefits for entire populations.
THINKIUM: "We say what you pay us to say"
THINKIUM is an independent, privately-funded Think Tank with a select client base. Members of THINKIUM are available for analysis, comment and policy direction on matters of governance, law, society, science, faith and environment.
Contact: thinkium@googlemail.com
Internet: http://www.thinkium.tk
18 comments:
This is too funny. Right now it is 6.02 am Thurs. I wake early so as to get peace and quiet while doing some serious reading and thinking. Just as I settled down and got into deep concentration, along came an email alert with a link to this blog post.
My special quiet time has been interrupted by head getting hot from exertion of laughing, coughing, spluttering, blowing nose, standing up and sitting down to make coughing go away...
Thanks for great start to the day. I'm exhausted already.
Thinkium. It could happen. In fact, it should. Plz to organise to ride your bike to Copenhagen.
Personally I think THINKIUM™ is a left wing bleeding heart living example of Political Correctness gone mad!!
p.s. I challenge you to get a news paper to quote from one of your think tank articles.
Being an OAP in "Fuel Poverty", (along with 4 million other pensioners*), as laughing boy Brown calls it, I leave my fridge door open in order to heat the house.
* Pensioner (n) = A spent resource, no longer needed. A drain on the economy. (Wikipedia)
Not only that, I see there is a new tomato bug in the country. Act now people. Crap all over your neighbours gardens to produce more tomatoes.
Thanks Debs, will get crapping immediately.
Hilarious post!
I also hear that Thames Water are stealing our hard-earned poo to generate energy wtih. I think the whole thing stinks.
Right, what about all those wind turbines they are proposing to put up ? Surely the friction of the air over the rotating blades will cause minuscule rises in air temperature. 50,000 of those around our shores and green and pleasant land and before you know it Kent will be a desert. Ban wind turbines now! Write to your MP, the Archbishop and the Daily Mail.
So who can join Thinkium? Does everybody get business cards?
Anyone can join THINKIUM, but you'll have to make your own cards.
Do you have a water cooler?
That's a bit of a personal question, isn't it?
If you want it to be. But just imagine the amount of blue-sky outside the envelope thinking Thinkium could manage if you had one everyone could congregate around. I'll see what's on Freecycle. Edward de Bono's got a department at the Crewe campus of Manchester Met University. You should see the place, everyone comes at things sideways.
Surely there must be an acronym for THINKIUM.
You might want to fix that typo in paragraph 3 before releasing this.
Ooo! Also: This reminds me of my recycling cow farts essay of a few years back that netted me a rather spiffy Yak T-shirt, if you recall. And I know you do, SD, because... well... yaks.
To
Have
Input
Not
Knowing
Idiots
Under-
Mine
Well, I reckon that it would be possible to turn poo into biofuel, solving two of this country's problems in a single stroke.
Well ya know what I always say now don't ya?
SCREW THE GOVERNMENT AND THEIR REVOLTING TAXES! tHEY MAKE US ALL WANNA PUKE!i ALWAYS DEFY THE GOVERNment. I just don;t pay taxes.
Well hello there Mr President. Oh by the way Obama, can I borrow a trillion dollars. I've gotta go to the mall AND SO SOME SHOPPING!
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