On fighting the law and the law winning

On fighting the law and the law winning

Dear the Police

I've had one spunker of an idea for dealing with anarchists, lefties and people who like a good old riot against THE MAN.

Silly string for riot control

I know what you're thinking, and I'm sure you can pay off the unemployed Canadian seal clubbers you've got lined up for next May Day. For satisfying that the sound of Canadian seal club against a crusty's skull may be, it's not good PR.

Rioters hate having their skulls crushed by Canadian seal clubbers, and they're not too hot on being doused with water cannon filled with battery acid either, so that's why I recommend arming your officers and riot trucks with silly string.

Everybody loves silly string, and a good, hard squirt smothering the great unwashed will be enough to defuse any tricky situation and turn even the most violent of riots into a street party.

Then, when the silly string sets rock hard, you can bundle the curs into the back of a van and send in the Canadian Seal Clubbers.

I will, of course, share the profits from this venture 50-50 with the Boys in Blue.

I am not mad.

Your pal,

Albert O'Balsam