Ah, the vuvuzela, musical instrument of the Gods. Who can forget Mozart's Vuvuzela Concerto in B minor that took polite society by storm in eighteenth century Vienna?Many have seen the horn favoured by South African football fans as a bit of a nuisance in the World Cup, but these people overlook the instrument's pivotal role in world history. For example, Samuel Pepys wrote:
17th July 1660: Rous'd from my slumber before dawn by the sound of ye verye gates of HELL be'ng thrown open. Discover'd to my dismay it was but myne Lord Downing, very muche in his cups and play'ng but a single note of a long, red trumpet of the lyke I have never seene before.In modern times, Katie "Jordan" Price is about to storm the charts with her new single, in which she plays a virtuoso vuvuzela solo. She has, readers will be interested to learn, had years of practice on the instrument.
"Tally Ho England!" he shout'd up to me at length, "And that Robert Green is a verit'ble useless cunt!"
Then, he continu'd his cacophony, which went on for some hours until the watch shov'd the accurs'd thing up his bottom.
Of course, many people cannot afford the huge prices these instruments command. However, you may recreate the authentic vuvuzela sound in the comfort of your own home by slamming a cow in your car door.
Or, invite 10,000 wasps round for tea, before making them buzzing mad with a barrage of "Your Mum" jokes.
13 comments:
Ooh first for not having heard a vuvuzela.
The local newspaper (for local people) even printed a 'how to' guide for vuvuzela noise reduction. It concerns minimising the treble on the settings. Or, just not watch the games.
Give this a try for full blog effect http://www.vuvuzela-time.co.uk/www.scaryduck.blogspot.com/. Mmmm, nice
Katie Price, a vuvuzela virtuoso?
The pink oboe, maybe.
I blame Thierry and his va va voo voo zela voom adverts.
Anyone else think it's a Rag n Bone man coming round when those things sound off?
Just yesterday I compared the sound at the matches to 1 billion angry bees let loose in the stadium. But have you ever slammed a cow in your car door?
Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Now, don't tell me that wasn't obvious
Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Germaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan Tony
if the vuvuzela has to be the trumpet of the gods.... then they'd only be the deities from a terry pratchett novel:P
blown correctly..its really loud and annoying and causes unwilling hearers to want to thump something. repeatedly.
(not hump...thump. too bad, really.)
blown by a kid- and my niece just got one recently and we're ALL suffering with it- it sounds like someone who's had too much beans on toast (thats an english thing, innit?:)
but at least this means the possibilities of merriment are endless....(thats what we Have to say. no choice in the matter. if youve ever been hit by a vuvuzela, you know it stings like hell...)
FACT: Scaryduckling works at a seaside tat shop which sells them. They also sell marshmallow willies.
Sounds like the lyrics of a Beatles song.
"Picture yourself on a boat off of Weymouth,
Where scary ducklings sell Marshmallow Willies.
Somebody trumpets, you hear it quite clearly
A girl with a vuvuzela."
Losers in the stands with vuvuzelas,
Losers in the stands with vuvuzelas,
LOSERS IN THE STAND WITH VUVUZELAS...
AAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIII!!!!!
Also. That Pepys. Always with the getting 'roused before me. And it all up betimes, innit.
"slamming a cow in your car door"
Is your research in this matter the real reason for the death of the Renault Scenic of Doom?
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