I've had my Nissan Micra - affectionately known as the Fail Whale - for a couple of weeks now, and - Cthulhu save me - I'm actually beginning to like the thing.While it has sphincter-tightening argh-slow-down-we're-all-going-to-die acceleration in low gears, I'm rather let down by the fact that it has the turning circle of the iceberg that sank the Titanic.
Praise and quibbles aside, there is one thing I have learned since I have started driving a Nissan Micra, and it is this:
I'm driving a Nissan Micra.
You realise this when you approach a road junction, and see that 'Oh-fuck-here-comes-a-Nissan-Micra' look on the face of the driver, who then nips his car out in front of you like a complete bastard.
That's when the sphincter-tightening argh-slow-down-we're-all-going-to-die acceleration comes in handy, just to let Mr Oh-fuck-here-comes-a-Nissan-Micra know that I'm not a little old lady.
This has happened to me six or seven times. Every journey.
I know that Oh-fuck-here-comes-a-Nissan-Micra look, because I used to do it when I drove the poor, dead Silver Hornet.
Other drivers: You're all bastards.
12 comments:
You are beginning to turn into Clarkson. Stop it. When did you last say "YAAAAAARCH!"? Your public wants answers.
Once had a Datsun Cherry which had been completely repainted in white Hammerite - the textured stuff.
No-one, but no-one, tries to cut up a Hammerite Cherry.
I learnt to drive in one of them. The turning circle's OK, I reckon.
People always used to underestimate the Rover 114's acceleration as well. Now I have cruise control, if some bastard tries to cut me up but gets stuck behind, I just flick it on and set it for 30. Pure infuriation for the twunt behind.
However, cruise control is not autopilot.
Guess I'm a Mega-bastard.
Had a loan of a 1.6 Astra SXi while the 1.0Corsa was getting sorted.
Like riding a thouroughbred after a donkey.
What happened to the mirth and woe? And the adding of our comments to the story?
Vicus Scurra - I imagine the "argh-slow-down-we're-all-going-to-die acceleration" will eventually lead to sick-inna-hedge at some point.
Other drivers do that when I drive 'The Volvo', my 1990 Volvo 740 estate. However, they usually fail to realise that one-and-a-half tonnes of vintage Swedish iron is surprisingly fast compared to their soundproof dustbins, shopping trolleys and fashion statements, and certainly don't expect such a car to be driven by a thirty-something loony like myself...
Drive a luxury minibus round the Chiswick roundabout and up and down the Great West Rd at rush hour in the pissing rain when the indicators have just blown and you really will appreciate the sphincter-tightening argh-slow-down-we're-all-going-to-die acceleration of the Fail Whale.
Pffft. That's why I pilot a Mazda 666 O' Doom.
Zoom, zoom, indeed!
Erin: sick-inna-glovebox surely?
on driving scaryduck downtown, and all around.
he pays ya that well. for years worth of $10.00 ya drive the quack-quack where he may bade ya.
ya take to the publishing house, he says ya drive too fast.
he might hurt his ass. ya need to not drive too fast.
ya take to scotland yard cause he did an id misdomeaner, he invaded Buckingham Palace without open invit.
then ya drive him to newgate jail. he states ya drove too slow.
ya report him to the dailymail. You are now $500,000 in the good.
A publishing deal, a movie deal oh such a steal.
But ya still keep driving scaryduck.
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