I'm getting worried about the RSPB.
Yes, they are rightly praised for their work to preserve endangered birds, but the lengths they are going to raise funds leaves much to be desired, as a recent visit to their local bunker illustrates:
"A go on the cannon, sir?"
"I beg your pardon?"
"The duck cannon. Skim the little buggers across the pond. Watch 'em go. Five quid a shot."
"I BEG your pardon?"
"Most skips today wins a swan. Plucked, gutted, giblets in a bag."
I eyed the shop volunteer, a little old lady turned into a canard-blasting monster by her devious employers, disgust rising in me like the previous night's curry.
"You..." I managed, "You, madam... you sicken me."
"Hit a goose, win a Ford Ka."
"Three shots, please"