SOMEBODY STOP THESE BASTARDS

SOMEBODY STOP THESE BASTARDS

I have control of the telephonic device.

"Hello, 3 Network. How can we help you?"

"Yes - can you tell your sales people to stop ringing my mobile twice a day? The phone rings and you always hang up before I get the chance to pick up."

"Ah-ha!" says the poor phone centre drone sensing early victory, "How do you know it's us?"

"Because your number's all over the internet, including a page called 'SOMEBODY STOP THESE BASTARDS'"

"Oh right. And why do you want us to stop? Do you actually know what these calls are about?"

I sigh. Now I am telling him his job.

"I'm on o2. You are not o2. You want me to buy a phone contract for your rubbish network."

"And do you want to buy a phone contract for our ...er... network?"

"I would much rather be violated by a Kenwood Chef. The one with the dough hook."

"Is that a 'yes', then?"