Monday, November 15, 2010

Tim Burton's Winnie the Pooh

Tim Burton's Winnie the Pooh

Starring Johnny Depp as Christopher Robin
Helena Bonham Carter's hairy armpits as Winnie the Pooh
And some more of Tim Burton's mates as everybody else

Deep in the Hundred Acre Wood, Christopher Robin came to play.

And he ran

and jumped

and hid

and ran

until it was very, very dark indeed.

"Oh dear," said Christopher Robin feeling very lonely, "however shall I find my way home?"

And he climbed a tree to see if he could see the edge of the world, but all he found was a hive full of bees and delicious handfuls of honey.

"Hunny?" growled a voice from below.

"Hunny?" it said again, adding a few "tiddly poms" for good measure.

"Hunny?" cried Christopher Robin to the voice below, "are you sure you don't mean 'honey'?"

"Hunny? Honey? It doesn't matter," said the bear, "It's a tea party!"

"A tea party in the Hundred Acre Wood!" Christopher Robin shouted, jumping from his branch into a bank of moss, "We shall have a tiddly-pom tea party!"

And the animals came. A pig. An owl. Two kangaroos. A sad-looking donkey, quoting the darkest of poetry, and, jumping along happily in the rear, the happiest tiger Christopher Robin had ever seen.

"And the wonderful thing about Tiggers," it sang as Christopher Robin danced and clapped, "Is that I'm the only one!"

"Do you know why I'm the only Tigger, boy?" said the tiger, hot, fetid breath in his face.

"Why," said Christopher Robin, "I don't know! Why are you the only one?"

"Because I ate the others. I was hungry. I'm still hungry."

Christopher Robin soiled himself and found, at that moment, that poo sticks.

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