Tuesday, November 02, 2010



"Bloody hell!" I say, turning on the TV to a familiar, if rather elderly face, "Heinz Wolff is still alive!"

And there's our favourite mad scientist, at the age of 82, talking about care for the elderly. Chap.

This comes in the same week that the BBC finally dusts down the original 1980s recordings of The Great Egg Race and sticks them up on the internet for the world to enjoy all over again.

"Wouldn;t it be great," somebody asks me, "if they brought the Great Egg Race back?"

No. No it wouldn't. And I'll tell you why: It'll be crap.

These days TV executives love their programmes to have "jeopardy". Even the most lightweight of programmes have to have some sort of life-or-death scenario to keep viewers on the edge of their seats. "Will Brenda get to the post box before final collection? KEEP WATCHING!". Yes, she does.

And in this age of reality television and ever more destructive and brainless science programmes, the only way they'd get jeopardy onto the once sedate, cerebral Great Egg Race would be to involve rotating knives and/or violent celebrity death by explosion.

Not to mention the never-ending talking head interviews with contestants stating the bleeding obvious. A shot of someone sharpening the rotating knives will immediately be followed by Jim Dreadful of TEAM SLASHER saying "Yeah, we got the knives from John Lewis, and we're sharpening them just in case me meet some difficult gristle."

Then cut to host who will then ask celebrity judge Kerry Katona if they have any knife-slashing tips. And she does.

If I had my way, 'talking head' interviews on science-based programmes should mean just that, otherwise modern science is RUBBISH.

And that, friends, is why The Great Egg Race should be left, perfect as the day it was recorded, back in 1984.

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