There are times when you wake up in the middle of the night with a new idea, where your cries of "Eureka!" wake up the entire household, and you cannot get back to sleep until you commit your brainwave to paper.And this was one of those nights where I was hit square between the frontal lobes with a concept that will CHANGE THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT.
And it is this: HOMEOPATHIC WATER
You take some water. And you dilute it and shake it, dilute it and shake it, dilute it and shake it, dilute it and shake it, dilute it and shake it, dilute it and shake it, dilute it and shake it, dilute it and shake it, dilute it and shake it, dilute it and shake it, dilute it and shake it until only the memory of the water reamins. Then you put it in a little sugar pill and sell them for a fiver each.
"Ah-ha!" I hear you say, "What - exactly - do you dilute the water in, clever trousers?"
And I reply: "A really big bucket."
So you facepalm and ask again: "What liquid do you use to dilute the water?"
That, I am afraid, is a professional secret to stop the crooks from BIG PHARMA getting their filthy hands on this landmark product.
Think of the potential:
* People with rabiesThis time next year, Rodders, we'll be homeopathic millionaires.
* People who are planning on getting stuck in a desert
* Firemen who need access to ALL THE WATER IN THE WORLD but only have very, very small fire engines due to fair and progressive Big Society budget cuts
* The National Association of Homeopathic Swimmers
* Homeopathic coffee drinkers
* Homeopathic Holy Water - two useless concepts for the price of one!
No, hang on, that's not right.
10 comments:
I once inadventently shook hands with a homeopath*. Does that make me a homeopath now?
*I misheard and though he was a psychopath.
Does this concept mean that really stupid people have homeopathic brains?
well, you see, you've got this all wrong, you know, 'cos homeopathy operates on the basis of "like cures like". So homeopathic water would be utterly useless (or rather downright dangerous) in the situations you describe. Give it to a drowning man though, or to a place where there's flooding - then you have a winner!
Didn't a leading soft drinks manufacturer whose name sounds like poca-pola come up with this idea in the early 2000's? And then had to rapidly pull it off the shelves as it was found to be in direct breach of copyright of Peckham Spring water.
-skirmishmonkey?
hmmm homeopathic money.
soak a penny in water
shake it
dilute it
shake it
dilute it
etc
Pour it on your wallet and you find a long-lost fiver?
I say we encourage the Duck in this venture. It's amazing what people will buy.
I still say its homoeopathic.
Sorry, wrong blog. I was looking for homoerotic water.
Tom Holt already wrote about this.
Homo? Pathetic!
You do realise that you are quite, quite mad don't you?
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