LEMSIP
I've been ill. And when a man's ill, he expects a helping hand from his favoured over-the-counter cold remendies. However, this time, it was not the case, and it made me cross.
Dear Lemsip
Congratulations on your superb paracetamol-and-citrus-fruit based cold remedy, which has served me well in recent bouts of man-flu, girl-flu and real-flu.
HOWEVER, I must draw your attention to the deeply unpleasant experience I encountered at the hands of your products.
Finding myself laid low with a genuine case of the real-flu, I sent my charming wife down to the local shops on a quest for a packet of your finest Lemsip cure-all, for there is nothing like the taste of hot, zesty lemon to make to feel at least ten per cent alive when you are coughing your eyeballs out.
But, I am sad to report that you have given women a choice. A choice of poncy flavours, and as any man will tell you, when given a choice of poncy flavours, a woman WILL buy poncy flavours.
That is why I found myself lying on my sofa forced to choose between Lemsip Blackcurrant flavour (reminiscent of an ill-advised dare involving a Frenchman's jockstrap on a rugby tour) and Lemsip (and I quote) "Wild Berry and Hot Orange". I tried it, and I dare say it's a taste that attracts the likes of Wayne Rooney to grab-a-grany nights, but it made me vow - the moment I was well enough - to service my chainsaw to a level that would allow me to hunt down and punish those responsible for this BLASPHEMY.
Although you and your brand are part of what the tin-foil-helmets call "Big Pharma", happily scraping us and our minor ailments (and life-threatening shit like man-flu) for every penny we have, you are clearly over-stepping the mark with the addition of your Lemsip Ponce range. If I wanted my ineffective cold remedies to taste like cat's piss, I'd grab one of our local Mad Cat Woman's scabby creatures, squeeze it like a set of bagpipes and drink whatever comes out. AND ENJOY IT.
STOP IT, YOU TWATS.
Your pal
Albert O'Balsam, Weymouth
There, I feel better already.
I've been ill. And when a man's ill, he expects a helping hand from his favoured over-the-counter cold remendies. However, this time, it was not the case, and it made me cross.
14 comments:
Just give the chemist the money and quit your whining.
Late model European cars don't pay for themselves, you know.
Blog gold right there - made me do a LOL & everything.
I only hope I have enough data allowance left to keep commenting, considering T-mobile's "unlimited" (but not really) mobile internet...
Do you want me to write them a letter? It would have to be a short one.
Do not, I repeat DO NOT, be tempted to transform Lemsip into a honey, cloves, lemon and whisky cold cure with the addition of honey, cloves and whiskey. It doesn't work and will make your head ten times worse.
Have one or have the other.
Whiskey it is for me, then.
You could add Friars Balsam to your list - why can't we get it any more. ?
LOL @ Pseusie. Up the Renaulvelution!
WoD
I thought the whole point of Lemsip was to taste so terrible that it forced your body into making you better quicker so you didn't have to keep drinking the dreaded stuff?
You should demand a divorce from your wife on the grounds of unreasonable behavior. Lemon Lemsip has been proven to cure all know diseases. The blackcurrant version is is lethal to human males.
Get well soon.
Tim...
I fear the flu variations have barely scratched the surface. If you want REALLY poncy stuff look at the range of shampoos you can get now.
Send it. I dare you.
What's wrong with a Paracetamol dose followed by a hot toddy?(Aforementioned Honey, Cloves, Lemon, Whisky and hot water.)
It's always worked for me and the best bit is that there isn't a limit on the hot toddy doses.
That way the paracetamol costs about 25p a pack and big pharma doesn't get a say in the rest of it.
never a truer word. blackcurrant lemsip is bad and wrong. except diluted with vodka if memory serves but that is not to be recommended, obviously.
I too have suffered this HORROR.
It is against nature and god.
Post a Comment