On humanity's future depending on toilet paper
I just changed the toilet roll.
In fact, I always change the toilet roll.
I sometimes think I am the only person who changes the toilet roll in this household.
Judging by the number of times I'm faced with both cardboard tubes and half-used rolls piled up on the side of the bath, I'm probably the only person who changes the toilet roll on the entire planet.
And this, dear reader, is why humanity is doomed. If we, as a species, can't even get our shit together to change the toilet roll, who's going to get off their backsides to save the planet when a giant asteroid comes hurtling towards us? Apart from Bruce Willis, that is.
To this end, I've got a plan. I shall start my own business to go into homes and offices, change their toilet rolls and charge them for the privelege. I will also develop a large rocket ship armed with nuclear weapons just in case the giant asteroid menace rears its ugly head.
I know what you're thinking, and the answer is this: The space ship will have some sort of bottom-wiping mechanism, because I can't be in two places at once.
This time next year, Rodders, we'll be millionaires - IF THE WORLD DOES NOT END.