And the big news coming out of Buckingham Palace is not the pregnancy of Duchess Kate, but the announcement of the Monarchy's first ever corporate sponsorship deal.
From now on, they House of Windsor will be known as The Royal Family by Findus.
Of course, Captain Birdseye is fucking livid at the whole royal deal. Mountbatten promised him first dibs back during Suez in 1956, but the deal was quietly shelved some years later by a government nervous that the public wouldn't swallow the idea of vital institutions being run or supported by corporate entities.
But now, with an "anything goes" attitude surrounding a cash-strapped Monarchy, there is a geniune - oh-ho! - battle royal for the naming rights for Buckingham Palace.
The smart money is on the Queen's official London residence becoming known simply as "Stringfellow's", with Windsor Castle to follow a short time later as "Spearmint Rhino".
It's not all one-way traffic, though. The Royals will be made to work for their sponsorship money. And the first of the family to go out and earn their crust will be young Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie, who have been sitting up every night for a week learning their lines: "Would you like to go large on that?"
Satire, people. Your actual satire at work (brought to you by the wonderful Dog's Doodah's)