Friday, June 14, 2013

On fining drivers who hog the middle lane on motorways, and other menaces

These #NewTrafficLaws that will mean £100 fines motorway middle lane hogs are all well and good, but I don't think they go far enough.

#NewTrafficLaws Ban on Comic Sans on the back of vans

#NewTrafficLaws Toll gates outside schools between 0800-0900 and 1500-1600

#NewTrafficLaws People above retirement age driving Kia hatchbacks banned from the morning rush hour

#NewTrafficLaws Severe ticking off for people who turn right on busy roads

#NewTrafficLaws Gibbets to be erected at mini-roundabouts to prevent three-way-right-turn stand-offs

#NewTrafficLaws Gibbets at mini-roundabouts to be used on people who design mini-roundabouts

#NewTrafficLaws Unlimited fines for people who leave really huge gaps in front of them in traffic jams

#NewTrafficLaws People in BMWs

#NewTrafficLaws People who stop and block the way when an ambulance is coming ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROAD

#NewTrafficLaws Lorries overtaking each other on dual carriageways must be fitted with rocket assist

#NewTrafficLaws Snatch squads to discipline drivers who leave their indicators on

#NewTrafficLaws Immediate ban on people who use hashtags in blog posts

That'll do it.


Gordon said...

"#NewTrafficLaws People in BMWs"

The 80s called, they want their stereotype back.*

Everybody knows that Audis are today's lane-bully, indicator-averse, sales-wanker chariot of choice.

This of course is a bit ironic considering:

*and yes, 2006 called to say they wanted their lazy cliche back from me. I'll get me coat.

gddik said...

And what about a public flogging for anyone who drives a 4WD penis-substitute, to enable them to cope with the rigours of a 1-in-50 gradient on their driveway?

Pseudonymph said...

/takes my Audi 4WD and finds a blog that appreciates me

Bob H said...

I just looked up mini roundabout. I never knew, I thought they were a type of speed bump.

Anonymous said...

drivers who insist on using fog lights all the time should only be allowed out in the fog.


As a BMW driver I don't see why I should have to use my indicators. Poeple is lesser cars should automatically give way and clear the lane I wish to be in.

It's the wankers in Nissan Micras you should be complaining about, they're all fat lardy birds or Green Party activists who should be on a bike.

Zappa O'Smugs said...

¼Unoccupied cars displaying a 'Baby/Child On Board' sticker should get a £100 fixed penalty notice.

Steve_Barker said...

Been Done already:

Published on 16/10/2008 16:49

LORRIES are to be permanently banned from overtaking on parts of the A14 to cut congestion, the Department for Transport has announced.

Harborough Mail

Steve_Barker said...

GIDEON MACK - "It's the wankers in Nissan Micras you should be complaining about, they're all fat lardy birds or Green Party activists who should be on a bike."

Tried cycling down the middle lane of the M1, but you BMW drivers just gave me abuse!


Steve - be honest - the M1 is really for BMW drivers and you had no right to be there on a pedal bike unless of course you invest in a BMW pedal bike.

My previous comment re Micra owners was possibly a bit harsh - not all Nissan drivers are wankers - some are NHS employees.

Alistair Coleman said...

Nissan Micra drivers also include the following:

People who write this blog