Friday, June 21, 2013

On honest housing estates

You can spot a new housing estate going up from miles away - the surfeit of flags and a huge sign that advertises "An exciting development of 27 executive homes" on what used to be a much-loved piece of woodland.

All these new developments are "exciting" or "outstanding" or "exclusive", and never "barely adequate", "shoddily built" or "Bloody hell, you want a garden with that?" as that would probably not sell many units.

And all these estates are called something twee, like "Primrose Dell", "Waiwright's Copse", or "River View Park", presumably to mark the demise of an area now covered in concrete.

What the world really needs, instead of twee version of a world gone by, is honestly named housing estates, which tell potential punters exactly what they're going to get.


- Your Neighbours Will All Be BMW Tossers Park
- Built on An Old Indian Burial Ground Street
- A depressing development of identikit houses which you can barely afford
- Didn't lay the sewage pipes properly Avenue
- Only one road out of this estate, you just try driving anywhere during the school run Copse
- Rabbit Hutch Starter Homes With a View over the Motorway

That way, I'll know where not to move

(Also, I've just noticed how angry the houses in the picture look)



Gonzoland said...

Some buyers of new 'executive' homes, that were described in a brochure as being on 'Blackthorn Drive', were horrified when the street was named 'Ffordd Draenen Ddu'
Croeso y Cymru.

Uncle Audrey said...

That'd be next door to the Blaidd Drwg industrial complex...

Anonymous said...

You forgot 'your neighbours will park inconsiderately, dump their old mattresses on the path, leave rubbish bags outside their doors and bleat ceaselessly about the maintenance fees going up to clean up after them'.

BMW Owner said...

Do we get many Indian burial grounds in the UK? :)

Joe Public said...

"And all these estates are called something twee, like …... "Waiwright's Copse","

"Wainwright's Corpse" Surely? He'd be turning in his grave.