Wednesday, August 12, 2009

On citizenship FAIL

On citizenship FAIL

Being a fine, upstanding British citizen, I sat down and took the Home Office's "Life in the United Kingdom" citizenship test, just to see how fine and upstanding a citizen I really am.

For there's nothing like sorting out we fine, upstanding, patriotic British citizens from the filthy foreign ladyboys who'd shit in your airing cupboard given half the chance than a crappy multiple choice quiz resulting from Daily Mail-led immigration policy. A test you could pass with a reasonable bit of guesswork and sheer blind luck.

Now, I've got a recent first class honours degree in Social Sciences and Politics from this fine, proud nation's foremost mail order universities. I have lived in the United Kingdom as a subject of Her Royal Britannic Majesty for all but one year of my life, so I really ought to know a thing or two about both living in this most superior of nations and arriving here from some filthy foreign shore (for eg Canada).

So, emerging from the airing cupboard only slightly flushed in the cheeks, I sat down and applied my excellent knowledge of all things BRITISH (and therefore EXCELLENT) to prove how BRITISH and EXCELLENT I am.

Yup. I failed, and failed hard, along with - I suspect - a good 99% of the population who couldn't give a shit which two cities the European Parliament sits. In fact, I took the test a second time, and still failed.

I fully deserve to be sent back where I came from. I don't know if Hammersmith will have me.

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