On FACTS about SCIENCE
FACT! The heaviest substance known to man – as proven by the rigorous use of SCIENCE - is the stuff they use to manufacture those fish badges on the back of cars.
Not only is this stuff so heavy that is turns even the most powerful road car in the world (the 1.0 litre Nissan Micra) into a slow-moving four-wheeled menace, but it also emits dangerous radioactive rays that turn the driver from your everyday demon driver into a ponderous, drooling nincompoop with a tartan blanket on the parcel shelf.
There can be no other explanation of this bizarre phenomenon, other than from what I have learned on the internet, viz: It being the emblem of the International Association of Bloody Awful Drivers.
Oh, go on, then: