Struck down with a case of the mentals, I used to like nothing better than going to watch Reading Football Club play of a Saturday. This was in their wilderness years in the late 80s, so I would spend many freezing Saturdays standing with my boss and his mates on a cold terrace at Elm Park. In fact, the entire history of the club has been spent displaying varying shades of shitness, so 'wilderness years' could describe anything from 1874-2010.
Habitually, I would take a train to Reading, have a burger on the way to the ground, watch a crappy 0-0 draw, then go and get drunk.
So.
Train. Burger King. South Bank. Shrewsbury Town. Raging gut rot.
You can tell where this is going.
Halfway through the second half, the unthinkable happens and Reading get the ball in the net. Pandemonium on the terraces, if only to get warm.
I jump up and down a bit, and suddenly realise this hasn't helped by raging guts in the slightest.
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARCH!"
All over the boss. All over his mates. All over some hairy, tattooed chaps who didn't take to well to being the victims of a projectile peff. If there had been a hedge nearby, I dare say I would have been sick in that as well.
I had a Whopper Meal with large fries and a chocolate shake.
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARCH!"
And so did they.
I stood on my own on the other side of the ground for two seasons.
13 comments:
Ooh first for rich brown vomit
We've been waiting a long time for a "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARCH!" story. Pls to make sure hedges feature in next one.
There's some team in Scotland with a hedge at their ground.
Maybe I should support them.
Ah yes, the two seasons, a very fine burger indeed.
What a sad, sad life you must have led in your yoof! Innit?
Good. Well done. Mirth and Woe.
So how come you didn't go to Zorbas? Then you get guaranteed regurgitation every time.
Seventh for a Whopper Meal with large fries and chocolate shake. =)
NEVER, ever, re-shake a Burger King shake by jumping up and down.
Good on your team for scoring once, tho!
I feel for you. Although its quite easy still to get a place on your own at the Mad Stand, un;ess Liverpool or Newcastle are playing.
one on you you old fool, scary duck! Listen up now, ya hear! Try this instead!
All day; all night. smashe d on this kind of trash.
Dr Pepper, Dr Pepper, Dr Pepper, Dr Pepper, Oh woe is me I am into for a plea: Dr Pepper.
And you are all alone. Until the midnight and after hobgoblin hours of which you'd like rather to refrain and climb on that runaway train.
But then lo and behold you're idiotic old man comes in with the key of which you resented yourself for giving him and moi barfed it all.
Dr Pepper, Dr Pepper, Dr Pepper, Dr Pepper, all over the wooden floor, carmel-color you know.
As for Burger King of thee I scream! To be the queen of mean at Burger King!
Now children, this is still the Dr Pepper hour, you all nice kids must go to bed while I hide in the locked closet with you-know-what! Yes, Dr Pepper!
There's got to be an ad in there, somewhere!
Seems like that case of the mentals is going around.
It can't work as a matter of fact, that's what I suppose.
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