As a posh kid, I was frequently given I-Spy books on subjects such as cars, bird-spotting and trees, scoring points for each object seen.When you completed the book, you'd send it off and get a spotter's certificate from Big Chief I-Spy, who I strongly suspect may not have actually been of Native American stock, despite his recent relocation to a reservation-stroke-casino in Nevada.
Now that I'm a grown-up, I still quite like the idea of I-Spy – so why not stretch the idea to the adult world, where there is a ready, nostalgic audience to be tapped?
Titles could include "I-Spy on my commute to work"; "I-Spy pubs and nightclubs"; and the one I'm currently working on: "I-Spy Workplace Meetings and Courses"
Top Tip: The previous two may actually be the same person, thus scoring double and saving you valuable shallow grave space
10 points: The person who asks the most rambling, overlong not-to-the-point-al-all questions and must be destroyed
10 points: The person who asks the most pointless questions, forcing the trainer or boss to repeat the last 15 minutes of the meeting, and must be destroyed
20 points: The person who asks the question you were about to ask, thus making you look like a complete plank when you are handed the microphoneTop Tip: Write in your own name for this one
25 points: The person who has forgotten to arrange the biscuits, and must be destroyed. By fire
5 points: The person who nods off and snores during the boring bits, and wakes up to find they've got ALL the action points
50 points: The person who takes copious notes, but in reality is actually writing up a load of stupid shit for his blog.Top tip: Me again
1,000 points: The person who asks a question during that "Oh God, nobody say anything, or YOU WILL DIE BY MY HAND" pause at 4.55pm when the boss asks "Are there any more questions?", and must be destroyedWhen I finish this book, I'm, going to start on my new one: "I-Spy Hedges"
7 comments:
I-Spy with my little eye
Something beginning with S...
10 points for spotting the tech guy who is dragged away from his game of WoW in order to turn the mains switch for the RGB projector on after the head of department has been struggling and pressing f5, f6, f7, f8 repeatedly for the last 15 minutes and not getting his/her desktop on the big screen.
Scary, I feel you are getting meeting'd out. What's the penalty for not showing up to these affairs?
10 points for spotting the obsequious wanker (or wankette) who listens attentively, takes "notes" and will later tell you whenever you ask for something "Well if you had been LISTENING during the meeting..."
5,000 points for the person who arranges via multiple emails for someone to phone in to a conference call in order to present something, then fails to inform said person that the agenda is slipping, never asks if said person is on the line, and doesn't mention said update even though it's clearly written in version 8,463,212 of the agenda circulated previously.
Not saying why I feel this is worth 5 kilopoints though.
Could we also BURY some of these wankers/wankettes unner ra hedge? THEN be sick innit?
-5,000 points for the "professional" that gets shouty with the minute-taker for tidying up her notes during an 'in camera' portion of the meeting.
Wankette.
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