Wednesday, December 15, 2010

On international justice

On international justice

In the line of duty, I had a look at the website of the International Criminal Court, and to be perfectly honest, they don't seem to be that busy. And seeing as we're all paying for these people to sit around the Hague out of our taxes, we should be palming some work in their direction while they wait for the homocidal maniacs and ruthless dictators to hand themselves in.

To this end, I have - in the past - suggested a few causes they should be taking up, (for eg: mime, in-store muzak, those Halifax TV adverts) but there is plenty more that they can be getting on with.

A short list of things that I dislike that should be stamped out by the International Criminal Court, which I pay for out of my taxes:

- Phil Collins, People who like Phil Collins and the very idea of Phil Collins

- Ditto: Richard Littlejohn

- Anybody who has ever owned a copy of UB40 and Chrissie Hynde's "I Got You Babe"

- Anybody who has ever watched a Katie Price, Peter Andre, Kerry Katona or any other celebrity reality TV programme on ITV2 and put it on "Series Link" on their Sky box

- People who knock at your door while you're having dinner to ask if you're happy with your energy supplier. I'm not - they're a bunch of See You Next Tuesdays with unlimited access to my bank account, but I'm in the middle of my dinner you grinning bastard

- People who design and build mini-roundabouts

- The person who always asks questions at the end of a meeting when somebody asks "Any Questions?"

- People who phone TV votes after the lines have closed whose vote will not count but may still be charged for their phone call, please see for more details

- BLASPHEMERS who put milk in their cup AFTER pouring the tea

- Creationists
One hopes, after the briefest, most one-sided of trials, appropriately painful and fatal punishments can be meted out.

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