I've just thought of something OUTRAGEOUS and TERRIBLE, and it is my duty as a citizen to write to the local press to find some way of making sure the thing I've just made up doesn't happen.
Dear Southern Daily EchoTAKE THAT, THE MAN
I am writing to express my outrage at Southampton City Council's plans to rename the city's Crematorium and Garden of Rest.
While one appreciates that "Southampton Crematorium and Garden of Rest" is a name devoid of all creativity, and dare one say it, soul, the suggested alternative is shocking in the extreme.
This letter, then, is intended to ask all people in this city to oppose with all their heart the new name that is SOLENT GREEN and remember that there are loved ones involved.
Solent Green is people! We've got to stop them somehow!