A bit of trouble with the old school rules

From the super soaraway Brighton Argus:

A school in Lewes has sent parents a letter reminding them that guns, whips and knuckle dusters are banned in class.

That's next week's show-and-tell buggered, then.

Luckily, the list doesn't include SS-20 nuclear missiles, a complete collection of Fiesta magazines, the recently-exhumed corpse of a dead clown, and a saxophone that fires poison darts when blown.

Which means the end-of-term concert - a unique, avant-garde performance of "The Pirates of Penzance" - is still on. Tickets at all prices.