Friday, June 08, 2012

The Great Music Trial

Kids: Just say NO to Twitter hashtag games.

Unless, of course, they are particularly silly, such as the glorious Friday evening when somebody decided that pop stars should defend their lyrics in a court of law. This meant a million billion variations on a theme based around Bohemian Rhapsody, but also hive mind wit at its finest.

If it pleases the court, these are mine:

This court is not open to exaggeration or bragging, Mr Adams. The Summer of 69 WAS NOT followed by the Autumn of Bumsex

So, Mr Astley, you say that you're no stranger to love...

However, Father Crilley, the RSPCA inspector is of the opinion you never once took the animal to see the horse dentist

You mention in your evidence "Pleasure at the fairground on the way", Mr Hucknall. What, with whom, and how much did you pay?

So, Mr McCartney. Are we to believe Mr Blair's claims that this Yellow Submarine of yours can deploy WMDs within 45 minutes?

Miss Bush, I put it to you that your so-called "Hounds of Love" were being used in contravention of the Hunting Act of 2004

So, Ms Rebel, you mean this court to believe that your first name is ALSO Rebel? And what sex are you anyway?

I put it to you, Mr Manilow, that your Bermuda Triangle "where people disappear" is nothing short of an insurance scam

Far be it for me to spilt hairs, Mr Rea, but I put it to you that you were, according to your statement, on the road to Hull

Mr Morrissey. Hector was indeed the first of the gang to die, but the police never made public the fact that he died from a bullet to the gullet

Miss Harry. You admit you were "Hanging on the telephone". Was this so an accomplice could access your victim's voicemail?

I've examined the technical report, Mr Outkast, and it says the last thing you would do to a Polaroid picture is shake it

I put it to you, Mr Dolby, that she did not blind you with science, rather your poor eyesight is hereditary

Mr Lewie. Are you aware that your attempts to stop the cavalry may be construed an act of treason in some quarters?

I put it to you, Miss Carpenter, that the "inter-planetary craft" you saw was, in fact, the planet Venus

You ask, Mr Geldof, whether they know it's Christmas, when you are well aware there is a branch of Calendar Club in Addis Ababa

I'm sorry, Mr Ure, I am of the firm opinion that whatever occurred in Vienna DID mean something to you

Tell me, how did you come to be in possession of Bette Davis's eyes?
No further questions, M'Lud.

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