It turns out that Tara the Medium isn't actually watching me (that honour goes to a sixteen year old Jack Russell terrier who thinks there are cheesy treats to be had from the table), but instead, she is able - for a small charge - to offer me a number of so-called psychic services related to financial, emotional and "other" problems. All in comic sans, the font of champions.
And she goes on: "Why? Because I specialise in difficult and urgent cases. I will show you how to attract luck and bring about a new start in your life in this period of renewal which is springtime," with the words "how to attract luck" in bold, linking through to a page on how she will show me how to attract luck.
Lucky, lucky me.
Luck luck lucky luck luck.
Luck luck luckity lucky me.
So I click through.
Sorry, that offer is no longer available.