The Queen. God bless her and her sixty years on the throne of this fine nation and the never-ending British Empire. But did you know...
The Queen's chameleon circuit is broken, and she is stuck in the shape of the QueenLet's hear it for the Queen, everybody! Louder, you colonials, LOUDER.
The current Queen is a Cyberdyne Systems Model T-101, and will be upgraded to a T-1000 after the Jubilee
An accomplished writer, Her Majesty has written a number of well-received books under the pen name "Katie Price", drawing on her knowledge of horse riding, getting free stuff, and shagging Greek blokes
Thanks to the miracles of science, there are now six Queen clones carrying out royal duties at any one time. They must never meet, for to do so would bring about a matter/anti-matter explosion that could end the universe. Royal aides consider this a risk worth taking
A horse lover, Her Majesty exercises her Royal right and rides Camilla over fences every weekend
The Queen's favourite song is "Macho Man" by the Village People. However, she is convinced the song is called "Gazpacho Man", and is about the flunky who serves the soup course at banquets
Attempts by Her Majesty to have the national anthem replaced by her own 1984 composition "Radio Ga Ga" were vetoed by then Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher, scuppering the monarch's dream of seeing tens of thousands on The Mall doing the famous "hand claps" which were devised by the Duke of Edinburgh
The Queen's favourite practical jokes are 1) Handshake buzzer 2) Ketchup sachet under the toilet seat 3) Convincing people she is the head of state of a small island nation off the coast of Europe
It's a well-known piece of trivia that Her Majesty became Queen whilst up a tree in Kenya. Similarly, she gave birth to Prince Edward in some bushes in St James's Park, and had the boy adopted by pigeons until he was thirteen
Every now and then, Her Majesty likes to give her Royal bodyguards the slip and go for a night out with the girls. She's particularly fond of Spearmint Rhino on Tottenham Court Road
According to the laws of 'netiquette' only the Queen is allowed to use the acronym POSL: "Pissing One's Self Laughing"
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