Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Offensive Productions Present, Again Again

Offensive Productions Present, Again Again

It's no good, you've got me on a roll. The Nazi TV listing was a fine, fine thing. Soviet TV was a triumph of bad taste over sanity. And this time, tired of watching my potty-mouth, we're delving right into TV Go Home territory with my most mature, cerebral TV listing yet.

So: BBC Director General Mark Thompson has developed an unfortunate case of Tourette's Syndrome and will only commission programmes that swear like a drunken nun. As the switchboard at Television Centre (actually, the complaints desk is at Broadcasting House in Belfast, but why spoil the cosy image with reality?) lights up like a Christmas tree, what's in the first ever top shelf edition of Radio Times?

* Sea of Arseholes
* Life on Bras
* Northern Shites

* EastBenders
* Stars Inner Thighs (geddit?)
* Balderdash and Nipples

* Big Cook, Little Cock (starring Ainsley Harriot)
* Rubber Johnny and the Bomb
* Slagpuss

* Celebrity Swears
* Fist it Lucky
* On The Cusses

* Little Whore On The Prairie
* Doctor Poo
* Rimjobs for the Girls

* Cuntryfile
* CSI: Cunt Shit Investigation
* Lactation Lactation Lactation

* Keeping Up Our Penises
* Home and a Gay
* Thomas The Wank Engine

According to Wikipedia, the great Mozart may have had Tourette's. What tosh. How could the composer of such delightful pieces as Eine Kleine Cockmuzik and The Marriage of Fellatio suffer from such a terrible, terrible plight.

Please send your donation to the National Association for Tourette's Research (WANKER) so we can look for a cure for this terrible condition.

Or, you could just suggest-me-up.

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